I filled in a complaint form to tesltra because my phone still hasn’t been connected. This is what I wrote:

“My phone was disconnected earlier this month as a result of a tardy payment on my behalf. I will wear that as it was completely my fault.

However, as of last week my account has been sorted out and is now $36 in credit yet my phone is still disconnected. I was contacted last thursday in response to a query I sent online regarding this matter and was informed that my account was, in fact, connected at your end (at this point the rich scent of bullshit filled my nostrils and I was somewhat disenchanted by the lack of information afforded to me). Following this conversation I was then forwarded on to you Iphone ‘experts’. This title seems to be a somewhat loose fitting description of the troglodyte fucktard who then answered my query. The lady seemed to have a tenuous grasp on the english language at best and seemed not only completely uninterested helping me with my situation but also, worse, more than a little incompetent. Her ‘solution’ to the problem was to do a complete reset on my hand which not only cut me off from the phone call but also erased all of my conacts, pictures and applications (many of which were pruchased at my own expense) from the device.

Had I been this reconnected my service I wouldn’t think it such a loss. Indeed I would have sat back and smelled the roses of telecommunication. However, after all of this my phone is STILL not connected and the aroma wafting my way is not only the pungent scent of horse shit but a heady bouquet of skullduggery tinged with a little fragrance I like to call ‘odour le incompetent wankers’

It is no wonder the stock market valuation of your company has evaporated over the years given your complete and utter inability to deliver the services you advertise.

Fancy a telecommunication conglomerate being unable to switch a customers phone service on! It absolutely beggars belief and is a sad indictment on the intellectual capacity of your management and staff as I would imagine a large firm such as Telstra would be able to provide their staff with a high level of training in our to properly service their customers.

I trust, as a policy, your organisation does not pay for invoices received where no service has been rendered. Unfortunately, as your communication to as a customer reflects, you do not apply this thinking to your customers.

I have received better communication skills eminating from a washed up derro headbutting a train track.”