A while ago my house mate bought a TV from Kogan. It didn’t turn up for a while so I wrote the following letter for him to send to Ruslan Kogan (Founder of Kogan.com). I figured he at least owed us some free god damn RC helicopters. Little Tyler was gutted when we didn’t get them.

Dear Ruslan,

I am a big fan of your online discount electrical goods emporium. Which is why when it came time for me to purchase a new television, I wasted no time in visiting your website.

I was delighted to find a television which met my requirements at a price that was both fair and reasonable. The television is a 55 inch 3d LED and was marked as “pre sale” stating that it would be shipped on the 30th of July.

I could wait a month for it so I bought it there and then, sending my hard earned dollars to you in good faith that you would ship my sweet as fuck TV to my on or around the 30th.

As the days rolled slowly toward the 30th, the anticipation built and there was an air of excitement around the household.

Everyone was so pumped for what we had started to call “T-Day” and as we came ever closer to the 30th the mood in the house was electric.

However, like a delicious prawn and mayonnaise sandwich turns to shit once eaten, our excitement quickly turned to dense nuggets of disappointment when we received an email saying that the new shipping date would be the 8th of August.

No reason was given for the delay but I copped it on the chin and just took it like a man. It was only an extra week after all.

And so we waited another week, the days passing at an excruciatingly slow pace.

I endured the wait desperately clinging to the belief that my TV, my portal to a fantastic world of televisual delights, would be arriving in less than a week.

Once again excitement reached a fevered pitch as we were less than a day out from the long awaited “T-day”.

And so it was that I went to bed on the night of the 7th and dreamed the dreams of one who would be receiving an email saying those magical words “Your TV has been shipped” the next morning.

On the morning of the 8th I awoke with a start, a feeling disembodied dread filling me to the very core. But I pushed this feeling aside and rushed to my computer to check my emails.

“Today is the day”, I thought as I waited for the my email program to refresh.

But, no, it was not the day. There was no mail telling me that my TV had been shipped.

I thought, “Thats OK, it will probably come later today. Kogan runs a pretty tight ship”.

But, to date, the email never came and, finally, my disembodied dread now has a name. And that name is ‘Kogan’.

Since I have yet to receive an email updating me on the status of my Television, I thought I would have a look at your website to see if there was any information at all about my would be TV. I was mortified to see that once again, the date of shipping had, been moved back (this time to the 19th of August).

And to add insult to injury I had to find out about it like everyone else.

I couldn’t have been more mortified if I had been a prostitute working the street and a passerby informed me that I have herpes.

Really? Thats how I have to find out?

I certainly felt like a whore when I saw the new shipping date on your website and Iam not ashamed to admit that I wept bitter tears until sleep finally claimed me that night.

The fact that my two boys had to see me, a grown man, their hero, in tears over this whole thing is by far the worst part of all. They were playing with their little rc helicopters when they saw me like that. Tyler was so distraught that he crashed his and broke it.

Now, I’m not here to tell you how to run your business, you seem to be doing a great job of that. In fact, I was recently looking at buying some of those remote control spy helicopters for my two boys.

But I have to say, I am in no way pleased with this latest debacle and might have to look somewhere else. It seems to me that the very least you could have done is sent me an email informing me of this new shipping date. Especially given the fact that I receive constant emails spruiking your fabulous, affordable wares (like the remote control UFO for $49 or the RC Spy Helicopter for $49. These are both examples of great products at a great price.).

However, it seems that basic eCommerce etiquette is a thing of the past and the consumer experience is now about as important to vendors as maggot is to a magpie.

This is a very disturbing prospect if you ask me.

People will eventually revolt against this kind of treatment and stop buying online. Ecommerce will no longer be viable and chaos of biblical proportions will rule the streets.

It’s a bleak future and not one I want for my kids.

Sincerely yours,

Michael  B******